I don’t know Edward Hagelstein. I didn’t read BRAIN SPANK before we published it last July 14th. (I was reading other submissions, I suppose.) In fact, I didn’t read Edward’s short story until we decided to look back into our weekly postings and select some of our favorites. What grabbed my attention was how coolly and irreverently the reader is introduced to this f**k-up of a protagonist and how quickly and obliviously he slides further and deeper into doo-doo. Who’s fault is it? Why, Brain Spank, of course, “a giant alcohol/caffeine drink that supposedly packs the equivalent of five beers and three cups of coffee.” Hagelstein’s narrator has a delicious way of veering in and out of his character’s cluelessness while maintaining a casual but prescient relationship with the reader, as if he’s saying, I know we’re all buds here, but this A-hole is a mess. Hagelstein opens his story with the offbeat image of a cop shooting himself in the foot and by the time the story is finished a couple more feet have holes in them. I hope you enjoy BRAIN SPANK. If you didn’t read it last July, now’s your chance for “simultaneously getting hammered and staying alert.”
—Bryan Burch, Editor
Brain Spank
by Edward Hagelstein
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