Dear unnamed man in the interweb universe,
I am attractive, but not in the late night dating commercials where I’m decked out in makeup and wearing a teddy like a sad bastard looking for a man to fill my justification cup kind of way. I don’t go to the gym every day, but I feel really bad about it and overcompensating by drinking wine and sucking on cancer sticks seems like a legitimate alternative. I’m looking for Mr. Right, but the Disney princess save-me-from-my-emotional-recession ride on the white horse just doesn’t seem feasible. I used to think of every ex on an obsessive daily level until I was tired of pressing the dysfunctional rewind button. I look ridiculously fuckable in a little black dress, even though my body would be more readily acceptable on novellas as opposed to Days of Our Lives. I wear dark lipstick, and it’s usually smeared on a single tooth or in the cleft palate corner of the ghost of my former lipline. I have been wearing the same deeply misunderstood lipstick color that falls between Mary Jane and The Craft. I would love you but I am well aware that should the inevitable break up occur, I am perfectly content in my alone time. I watch horror movies and I despise network comedies. I love snuggling but should the inevitable end of snuggling occur, I will be perfectly content with becoming a robot yet again. My inner critic can become the size and sound frequency of a Doberman and his bark. I would love you with every inch of my being. I hate these things. I hate dating: I hate online dating, I hate blind dating, I hate people dating. I hate people. However, I am more than willing to fake it if you agree to try along with me.
Sincerely,
Anonymous on the interchat.
Honest with a really deep musical component.
Poignant. Would be lovely as a spoken word piece.
Goodness. Thank you so much for the kind words!!!!