January 28, 2010...4:25 pm

You Who I Love,

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Who I do not love,
Who I don’t not love.

You who I stubbed my toe on,
And toed the line for.

You who I doted on,
Devoted on, pined for.

You who I seek,
Who I see.

You who seemed so impeccable to me.
You who seethed so impudently.

You with the comforts.
You with the comportment.

In your apart-ment
I could have but didn’t

(That wasn’t quite
The end of it).

You who went hidden.
You who went hungry.

You who, bedridden for weeks
Got a gangrenous angry.

You who came back from safari
In saffron robes.

You who I knew,
Who I’ll never, never know.

You who are both whole
And half. Both calm and wrath.

Both balm and malice.
You who rebuked then re-rebuked me.

You who I needled and needed.
You for whom I tolled like a bell.

For whom I descended into hell.
For whom the third day rising came far too fast.

You who cannot serve both god and glass.
You who cannot sever bad from bliss.

You who I kissed.
Who I cussed.

You who I love.
But not enough.

© 2010 Jill Alexander Essbaum

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